Just fell off a train. Bad.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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