Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
