8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
