...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
