OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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