: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
