Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
