yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
