I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
