I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
