halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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