It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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