I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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