Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
