CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize