I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
