Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
