speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
