The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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