Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
