careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
In America we eat man semen.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
