Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize