Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
