I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
