definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
