She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
