I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
