She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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