I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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