Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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