Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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