so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
