hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Your cock deserves a montage
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
