Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
