I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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