Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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