There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
