At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
