So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
