Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
