I think I won the penis lottery.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The police scanner is talking about you again....
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
