This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
