Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
