She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
