You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize