remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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