this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
