You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
