The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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