yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
