i don't like sucking hair
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
