oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
