nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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