the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
