I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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