twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
