Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
