If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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