sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
