Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
