Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Are my feet made of real feet?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
