That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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