I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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