he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
