Do you still have your period?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
