i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize