just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
