Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
