I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
