I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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