maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
