They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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