we have officially lost it.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
