so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize