Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
