awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize