He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
