Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
