During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My penis needs a shock collar
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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