I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just took my morning after pill in the library
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
