Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
