Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
