I wanna bring you to show and tell
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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